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.Handbook for Women with Visual Impairment - 4.
Personality Improvement For Women: Visual Impairment No Barrier
By
Shivali Kathuria & Rachita Bisht
We all want to be successful in our lives - whether it concerns our interpersonal, social or professional domain. But the big time question is, "How to become successful?" Ironically, the answer lies within us. The road to success is our own dynamic personality. Most visually impaired women have within themselves ample capacity to be at par with their sighted counterparts. According to Preeti Monga, India's only qualified visually impaired aerobics instructor, a pleasing personality clubbed with appropriate qualifications will help visually impaired women carve out their rightful place in mainstream society.
It is said that unlike our blood type, our personality can be changed. A personality is a group of traits that determine a common pattern of behavior. It encompasses not only the physical appearance but the whole pattern of our thoughts, feelings, emotions and behavior.
In order to have a more effective and pleasing personality, following are some of the areas on which one can concentrate:
1: Self-Esteem & Self-Confidence
2: Effective Interpersonal Communication Skills
3: Grooming
4: Proper Body language
5: Healthy Lifestyle
Self-Esteem and Self-Confidence: "Nobody’s Perfect"!
Self-esteem is how you talk and feel about yourself. Ultimately, it is about how much you respect yourself. If we don’t respect ourselves, how can we expect others to respect us?
A confident person is one who is self-reliant and secure. She keeps the courage to accept her mistakes and take adequate steps to correct them timely. However, people with low self-confidence are cynical about their ability to perform a specific task efficiently. As a result, they are scared to take the responsibility. They become the victims of shyness and hesitate to express themselves.
The next time, feelings of self-doubt, inferiority or sadness begin to envelope you, remember that you are not alone. Lack of confidence and self-esteem is a problem many women face in various aspects of their life--personal, social and professional. Here are some tips that women across the world use to develop a sense of pride in themselves and a confidence in their abilities.
‘ Magic of Positive Thinking’
According to Psychologist Santhosh Babu, there is no more powerful directing force in human behaviour than belief. With powerful guiding beliefs you have the power to take action and create the world you want to live in. If you believe that you cannot do something, then in all probability, you will not be able to do it. However, if you believe that you can, then you will fight all odds that come your way and make sure that success has to come your way. So, it is very important to keep yourself away from dysfunctional beliefs like ‘I cannot do…..’, ‘Nobody likes me’ ‘life is full of problems’ etc.
‘Overcome self-consciousness’
Among humans there is a natural craving for praise and appreciation. We all fear Condemnation and like to hear nice and pleasant things about ourselves. However, it is not quite possible to be liked by all the people around us. For a consistent growth in personality, it is essential to focus on your strengths. In fact, criticism if taken positively can also prove to be very constructive in overcoming our weaknesses.
‘Be Your Own Best-Friend’
Critical behaviour starts from childhood. When we’re young, we’re often criticized far more than we are praised. Then as we grow up, we continue with this negative pattern; by then our belief systems are so firmly planted that we really don’t know any other way and it's difficult to build confidence and self- esteem. Do you find yourself saying or thinking any of the following?
- I'm not good enough...
- I’m not pretty enough...
- don’t deserve...
If so, ditch this habit NOW, and learn to be your own best friend. Start to say positive things to yourself, and once you get used to doing this, self-criticism will become a distant memory of the past and your confidence and self-esteem will soar. To acknowledge your worth is crucial to enjoy the sense of dignity. No individual is complete. Personality is the combination of many positive and negative traits. To develop the sense of dignity, it becomes crucial for us to accept and like ourselves just the way we are. For success it is important to read and understand your mind so as to recognize your weaknesses and strengths.
‘Enjoy the Gift of the Present’
Often, we walk around either obsessed about our past mistakes, or we catastrophize about what might happen in the future, tormenting ourselves with unknown fears, future expectations, assumptions, guilts and worries. Are you stuck in this pattern? If so, you need to recognize that all we have is here and now. The past is gone, and the future hasn’t happened yet! Don’t let worrying about the past or the future consume you. Live and be happy!
‘Learning to Say NO’
Do you find yourself saying "yes" when you would rather say "no"? Well, here is the reason. By nature, women are nurturers and carers. Our natural instinct is to help others, and that’s certainly an admirable quality... but at what cost to our confidence and self-esteem? Remember, saying "no" is not about rejecting the other person. It is simply about self-preservation and your confidence and self-esteem. You can say no without being rude or impolite and you teach others not to take you for granted.
Involve yourself in lively activities like sports, reading, writing, cooking or music.
Keep yourself happy and keep others happy too.
Knowledge is extremely powerful in boosting the self-confidence and building a strong impression on others. However, it is not an inborn trait. We can widen our general knowledge by taking the following steps:
Listen to the news daily along with other informative programs on television and radio.
Interact with intelligent persons.
Actively participate in discussions.
Try and persuade friends and family to read out newspapers and women’s magazines to you.
Locate such magazines/ material in Braille/audio form, wherever available.
Inter-personal Communication: Feeling Lost in Social Situations?
We all have felt a little diffident, even nervous at the thought of meeting people, attending parties etc. We get anxious because we worry whether we are making a good impression on others or not, little knowing that most of the time, they are worrying about the same thing! The mantra that can help you through any situation involves using the one thing that breaks boundaries of cultures, castes, race, class and gender and that is-your smile.
A face that never shows any emotion, and never smiles is not very appealing. No matter how attractive or how plain a person’s facial features may be, a pleasant smile can make that person look beautiful too. Smiling demonstrates confidence, friendliness, a positive attitude, a good mood. So, when you smile in the company of other people, they will assume that you are in a good mood and that you are happy to be with them. This will make other people more likely to spend time with you -- just to get to know you better!
Some Other Strategies are as Following:
Firstly, be interested in people.Try to discover what other people want. Know their likes, dislikes, interests, and beliefs. By doing this, you will be regarded as a person with an attractive and pleasing personality.
Secondly, assume that people like you. If you show other people that you want to talk to them, they will react to you with warmth.
Thirdly, admit your weaknesses.Do not regard yourself as a perfect person. Just as persons have strengths, they also have their weaknesses.
Fourthly, admire your friends. Praise them for their achievements. Tell them how attractive they seem. Make them feel how important they are to you. By this, they will also give importance to you. Thus, giving compliments is an important part of relationships e.g. about athletic or personal achievements, about clever ideas, etc.
Fifthly, associate with people who are successful and happy. Seek the companionship of others who can give you new points of views, renewed hopes, and meaningful life. Ask for their advice and guidance.
Sixthly, knowledge can be your ally in many uncomfortable social situations. Often we wonder what to say to a stranger or someone we have just met. Keeping yourself abreast with current affairs, listening to the news and various programs on television and radio can provide starting cues to conversations. Some of the most popular ways to start conversations are discussing about the weather, political events, sports etc.
And, lastly, listening attentively to the conversation for a while, before joining it, can provide important cues and enable you to draw important inferences about people, nature of conversation etc. Thus, one can join in the conversation more confidently.
Grooming:
One needs to differentiate here between fashion and grooming. The average woman on the street may not be aware of the latest trends in fashion. But, being unaware of what is in fashion is no excuse for keeping yourself away from a well-groomed and impressive appearance.
Always make your best effort in respect of grooming and choice of clothing. Take the advice of your friends and family in buying clothes for yourself. Special care needs to be taken that the clothes you are wearing are clean, ironed and they are largely colour-matched, which is easily possible by consulting good friends and thereafter, by organising your clothes and dresses in a given order. Clothes should be worn according to the season and occasion. Simple accessories like earrings, bangles and necklaces can also make simple dresses, whether they be salwar kameez or sarees, look beautiful and elegant!
Grooming covers a lot of things-from general hygiene to cleanliness of the finger and toe nails. There would hardly be any person who would not be turned off/repulsed by dirty clothes or unpleasant odour. Use of a small amount of a good deodorant or perfume can solve most of the problems. Imagine sitting in a park and someone passing by, leaving behind a whiff of pleasant odour. You will automatically be positively inclined towards them, even though you do not know them!
In case you are not in favour of growing your nails, trim them once a week. If you fancy long nails, remember, they need to be cleaned many times a day as dirt collects inside them. With regard to haircare, hair must be clean but it takes more than just washing them with shampoo to keep them lustrous and tidy. A balanced diet with at least 8 to 10 glasses of water per day is a must along with weekly oiling of hair before shampoo. The same holds true for your skin. Moisturise your skin regularly keeping your skin-type and seasons in mind.
Know the Language Your Body Speaks!
Body language is the nonverbal form of communication. The world is vigilant and we are continuously judged and observed by the people around us.
Thus, we need to be more careful of our own nonverbal cues and signals. It is important that firstly, you are not giving the wrong non-verbal cue to the other person and secondly, you are not giving unnecessary cues, in the form of mannerisms. Bodily gestures which become a part of behaviour and tend to be performed even unconsciously, are often referred to as ‘mannerisms’. By being alert and aware and open to feedback, we can consciously work at removing them.
Here is a list of some behaviours which are an integral, symbolic part of non-verbal social communication:
If you are sitting/ standing with the arms folded across the chest, it shows a defensive or critical attitude.
A weak or an overly strong handshake is not taken as a sign of an impressive personality. A warm handshake with arm fully stretched out and a firm grip is received rather well.
Drumming the fingers on the table or continuously tapping or shaking the feet on the floor tends to give the impression that you are nervous or impatient. Either way, it shows disrespect to the group/conversation you are in.
During conversations, facing away from the person gives the impression that you are uninterested. Thus, it is very important to face the person but not stand too close. Voice volume should be adjusted according to the situation and one should avoid speaking too loudly or too softly.
There are three basic head positions. The first one with the head straight and occasional nodding is taken by a person who has a neutral attitude about what he/she is hearing. When the head slightly tilts to one side, it shows that interest has developed. When head is down, it shows negative or submissive attitude.
A ‘territory’ in social science, is often thought of as an area or space that a person claims as his/her own, as if it were an extension of his/her body. According to Pease (1981), there is an ‘intimate zone’ around 6-18 inches of a person and only those who are emotionally close are comfortably permitted to stand that close e.g. children, parents, close friends etc. However, during parties, social functions and friendly gatherings, when talking to people, one usually stands in the ’personal zone’ 18-48 inches around the person. The third zone is the ‘social zone’. One usually stands 4-12 feet away from strangers, employees etc.
However, this concept of a ‘territory’ or zones, may need to be slightly modified and viewed rather differently in the case of interaction among the visually impaired and between the visually impaired and their sighted counterparts, because of lack of visual cues.
For an impressive posture, while sitting or standing, the golden rule is to keep your upper body straight and erect and avoid hunching the shoulders. For women, the usual way to sit is the standard leg-cross position, in which usually the right knee-point is neatly crossed over the left knee. Sitting with the knees held together is another appropriate posture.
Healthy Lifestyle:
A healthy body is our most important asset. It works as a strong supportive system which helps us to deal with various difficulties in life. It is very important to take regular care of our health. This is possible only with a disciplined lifestyle. For a healthy body, a strong immune system is a must. This can be developed through regular exercise routine. Include any form of exercise like morning walk, yoga or any sports activity in your daily life. One should have a balanced diet and always eat on time.
Role of Self-Help Organizations:
Self-help organizations for the visually impaired cannot escape the crucial responsibilities they have towards enabling their visually impaired female members to become independent in communication and social skills. They must ensure that they provide necessary space to these members in all of their developmental activities. More importantly, they should carefully plan, design and conduct training programmes and courses which might be shorter in duration, but rich in content to enable these members to pick up the requisite information and skills. Such intervention is absolutely essential since experience shows that institutions for visually impaired girls and women, unfortunately, are too obsessed with academic/bookish activities and pay scant, if any, attention towards these aspects of personality development. Equalization of opportunities for visually impaired girls and women could materialize only when they are helped to acquire parity with their sighted female counterparts, with regard to all personality-related skills and, it is here, that self-help organizations have to work as real catalysts as well as promoters.
Conclusion:
It is often lamented in conferences etc. that women with disabilities, are ‘triply handicapped’- being a woman, being disabled (in the present context visually impaired) and, consequently, being socially and economically deprived/ neglected.
By keeping in mind the details discussed above and developing a pleasing, well-groomed personality, your qualifications and competencies will shine through and your disability will take a back seat. Thus, you would be able to overcome the so-called ‘triple handicaps’.
